So many things to say...

Because it's been awhile.

One:
I was reading through my blog and realized I've been so negative.
And this blog is titled Only Honesty.
But the thing is, if you consider yourself a 'realist'..You come off as a pessimist as well.
Being a realist doesn't mean you have to be negative and it just took some time for me to realize that.
Honesty doesn't always have to be ugly.
The amount of ugly you see in the world is the amount of ugly you feel towards yourself. You hate everything because you hate yourself.
And I'm just not okay with that.
So I'm just going to try and stick with my honest opinion and see the beauty along with it.
So far I've done so well with that and I feel good.

Two:
I think I'm crazy.
I've met someone that I think can handle how crazy I am. And I love every moment I'm with him.
But hate not being with him. Because I hate how he makes me feel when we're not together.
and I don't mean that in a clingy way, but seriously. He treats me completely different from when we're together or not. and It drives me insane. I attract myself to these saddened, bi-polar guys.  and I want to find someone new, but I don't think I will.
So far I've spent almost everyday of spring break with him. Or at least I have gone and too see him.
One night we stayed out all night and long boarded for four and a half hours. All we do is long board now. We used to do random things, but now all he wants to do is long board. And sometimes I just feel like that's the only reason he wants to hang out with me.
I'm really confused about him.
But I don't really care. Because he's already made a good impact in my life, he's been an amazing friend, he makes me think, and he makes me feel good about myself in a sincere way without even trying or having to really say anything. It's what he doesn't say. So if nothing works out between us I'm okay with that. Because I feel like we'd be better friends than anything else. I can tolerate him better that way. and we fight too much anyway.

Three:
I'm loosing my insecurities.
and I feel GOOD about myself.
and I feel better about other people.
It's becoming easier to open up and love again and find the good things in other people.

I'm slightly unhappy, and I feel a bit of depression coming on every once in awhile, I'm over coming obstacles in life, and I'm terrified.
Regardless, Life is genuinely good and I love every moment of it. Even the bad.