Did I tell you?

That the way I've been feeling lately has never happened the way it has.

That I've been losing friends, and losing trust.

and my fears are consuming me.

Also, the two people in this world I love being around the most, I now can't stand being around them. And I would pick anyone else over them to be around.

And that's one of the worst feelings in the world.
Besides the way that they make me feel.

I don't know if every feeling I have felt recently, and every sadness that overwhelms me, and every problem that comes towards is me, is my fault, or if I'm creating it. And that makes me even worse.
I hate not knowing.

I realize how much of a pessimist this makes me seem, but I'm not. I'm really not.

I'm trying so hard to be okay.
But everything is making me so sad lately. I am so sensitive. And I am the least sensitive person.

I feel like I can't talk to anyone either. There is so many things I need to talk about, and I can't. There isn't anyone to listen. I don't care if you say you care, because you really don't. It's just something to say to make you feel like you're a much better person than you really are.

I hate this.


I wish I could tell my best friend everything I need to, but I can't.

I feel like I'm being pulled in a thousand different directions.

There's so many other things that I just can't explain, I don't understand what's wrong with me.

Am I going crazy?
I have no idea.
I need something new in my life.

I like someone.

For the first time in a year and a half.

and I hate it.
It's painful, scary, and I don't know how well I can handle it.

Because every thing almost breaks me. and I'm just waiting for the pen to drop.

I don't know how well worth it is.
But I guess the sadness is what we adhere to, when we're too afraid to be happy.

Wait, no.

We're not afraid of being happy, we're afraid of something ruining that happiness.

I have realized one of my biggest fears...

And now I'm even more afraid to let it consume me.

So..

When I made this blog I titled it only honesty...for the fact I thought I was a realist.
I was just negative.
So there's my honesty.